Preface and tips from Married Chat
Many women told me, tears in the eyes: “My husband hardly speaks to me. It is remote. He did more things with me. Although we lived in the same house and we eat together, I feel alone most of the time! ”
The breakdown of marriage and the family has now become commonplace in our society. The statistics are alarming, and would be even worse if we took into account the millions of couples who live without being married. Indeed, one can not talk about divorce if we were not married! However, such couples are separating faster than married couples.
A recent report by the Associated Press shows that nearly 19.4 million American adults are divorced, they represent 9.8% of the population. An American in ten is divorced! Obviously, many people are divorced remarried. According to estimates, tens of millions of Americans have one day or another, suffered the trauma of divorce, and other tens of millions have been deeply wounded by divorce: children, relatives, friends and spouses. It is sad to say, but divorce is now respectable and current at the time!
What does GOD?
What God says about divorce, purpose and true meaning of marriage? We need to understand. History shows us that a nation which society allows or causes the separation of families not slow to disintegrate. Most historians note that “the breakdown of the family” was one of the symptoms or the cause of the fall of the Roman Empire. Our newspapers are filled with articles describing how the young, whose father is not at home, tend to turn to drugs, sex and crime, many more than those who grow up in stable families.
In the United States, there are almost 20 million children aged under 18, living with one parent. This represents 28% of children. The majority - 84% - live with their mother. In other words, there are approximately 17 million American children whose father does not live at home!
It is not surprising if juvenile crime is soaring. It is not surprising either, if we produced a generation of young people who are not afraid to act badly. They are not aware of what they do. They are not embarrassed to be sarcastic, to be rebels with the rules of society and the divine laws. As many have noted, it is a generation that acts at will. The prophet Isaiah wrote under divine inspiration, this dual prophecy that refers in some way in our time: “I give young people leaders, and children will dominate over them. There will be reciprocity of oppression among the people, oppress one another, each one his neighbor, the young man attacked the old man, and man nothing that he is honored “(Isaiah 3 :4-5).
In the New Testament, the apostle Paul said that “in recent days, there will be some difficult times. Because men are selfish, friends for money, bragging, arrogant, blasphemers, rebels to their parents, ungrateful, irreligious, insensitive, unfair, libelous, intemperate, cruel enemies of the people good, traitors, washed, swelling of pride, pleasure-loving God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying that this is strength. Move away from the men there “(2 Timothy 3 :1-5). Such individuals ungrateful, irreligious, rebels and disloyal to their parents, have very little chance of having a strong and stable marriage based on love!
It is therefore important to know the “key” to build a marriage centered on God and the principles by which our Creator wants to see the husband and wife share their lives with joy. The principles outlined in this brochure are divine principles, gathered during more than fifty years of ministry, and advice to families of principles from many readings and studies, and over forty-five years of happy marriage.
Building a marriage centered on God
If the LORD builds the house, those who build labor in vain (Psalm 127: 1). It is possible that among our readers, a number having to turn back time and prove once again that God is real! Because nothing is coincidence. Obviously, the human spirit was created by a power greater than himself. All laws in the universe - like gravity, inertia and thermodynamics - require a supreme legislator. The beautiful design of our body, plants, animals and celestial bodies require a great designer. All inspired by the prophecies in the Bible, who have already made or are being carried out, require the existence of a God - a God orders the universe, which manifests itself in real His creation - a God who works for an ultimate goal on earth!
As you know the real God, you understand that He knows what is best for you, and in every aspect of your life, including your marriage. For He is the One who created us male and female. It is He Who created our bodies and our minds. He designed the precise details that differentiate us up the way we think and see the world, as we are male or female.
The Supreme Creator made man and woman to complement each other. He knows better than all the psychologists and family counselors all together, how to work the body and mind, and the best way we can be united in marriage. The Bible tells us: “The Lord God formed man of the dust of the earth and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life and man became a living soul” (Genesis 2: 7). A little later we read: “The Lord God said: It is not good that man should be alone, I will make him an help meet for him” (verse 18).
The man, by itself, is not complete. Adam felt that this lack and loneliness. He had no one to talk or share ideas. He had no one beside him to love and to cherish - a person who belonged to him.
Our Heavenly Father knew that. Also, he made a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he took literally a rib into a woman! Of course, God could have acted otherwise. But he wanted to show us that man and woman mutually s’appartiennent. Therefore, he took something from the body of Adam, near his heart, and He created Eve. “And Adam said: This is time that this is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh! It called Woman, because she was taken out of man “(verse 23).
The original Hebrew text says: “We call Ishah of [Ish], because it was taken out of Ish [man]. “God made an” aid “like Adam (verse 20) - someone with whom Adam could really come together and share their thoughts, plans, hopes and dreams.
The divine purpose of marriage
It is important to understand that from the beginning, man and woman were created by God. They had to share a life together in love. The woman was created to “help” the man. It was created from man, and - despite the declarations of “experts” modern - that is, being close to her husband, helping in supplementing and assisting in their common life in giving birth to children and taking care of household chores-that a woman can find fulfillment and a greater joy.
Satan the devil is doing all it can to destroy that concept in the minds of youth today. Through psychologists, family counselors, media and the education system, it actively attack the divine plan for the family. He vigorously propagated the concept that humanity was not created by a real God. Satan wants us to believe that we are the product of an evolution, there is no ultimate purpose for our life, that men and women are not really different in some areas and that this does make any difference to know what are the respective roles and who is the head of the family.
Satan has even begun to affect some sectors of our society to accept the idea that “family” does not necessarily consist of a man and a woman, and it may consist of two or more persons of the same sex who “live together”. However, if you believe in the Bible, note what Jesus said about marriage: “Have you not read that the creator, in the beginning, made man and woman [made them male and female] and he says: Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and cleaves to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. That man therefore does not separate what God has joined “(Matthew 19 :4-6). God includes Jesus in the table. It shows that God created the first woman for the first man. And then He asked them to unite as husband and wife become “one flesh” in this relationship that he had ordered. God wants all marriages follow this example.
Jesus explained that it is only because of “hardness” of their heart that God allowed divorce. And yet, was that for reasons of marital infidelity. Jesus referred to “the creation story of Genesis, as a reality. It recognizes that God made us “male and female” (verse 4). Then, it adds about marriage: “What man does not separate what God has joined together” (verse 6). If this profound understanding - which we know that God has ordained marriage - is at the heart of your marriage, your chances of success will be much better.
The responsibilities of the husband
Of course, a man should marry a woman he really loves. Unfortunately, we must recognize that millions of men have never learned the meaning of the word “love.” Because of films on the cheap and bad examples, they often confuse “love” with lust. They believe that the sexual and carnal desire to “find” satisfaction with someone of the opposite sex is love. There is nothing further from the truth!
True love is to give - to share plans, hopes and dreams of one man and one woman, who want to build a life together until death separates them. If they are unable to discuss them, to smile when looking at, to share joys and small intimate things, to support one another when major events occur, their love is indeed lost.
The apostle Paul directs: “Husbands, everyone loves his wife and does not sour against him” (Colossians 3: 19). Some husbands quickly become “bitter” because their wife is not up to the idol and perfect angelic they were humanly imagined!
But there was never any question that the woman looks like an idol! It was not created to be perfect in this life, nor her husband! It was not destined to become a housewife, a mother and a perfect joint, or a Hollywood goddess! It was created - by our Supreme Creator - to become a loved one, help and inspiration for the man who would share his life, plans, hopes and dreams, it should guide, not direct, their homes in a spirit of trust and love!
Far too often, especially in our modern world, people think it is the woman to talk about spiritual things and create interest among children, with regard to God and the Church. Wrong. The man who does not assume this responsibility that comes from God is simply running away its responsibility! God intended for man to be the spiritual leader of the house, doing his part and by listening.
Notice what the Scriptures say: “I want to let you know that Christ is the head of every man, that man is the head of the woman, and God is the head of Christ” (1 Corinthians 11: 3) .
Every man has the opportunity to be the direct representative of God on his own house - in teaching, instructing, guiding and encouraging his wife and children to learn and obey the instructions contained in the Bible, worshiping and serving the God who created them all. Many women and children would agree to be guided by the head of the family if it was doing, if only half of his responsibilities! Men must understand that. They must be a dynamic example of dedication to their Creator, in the study of His word, in prayer at mealtime - both in the presence of the family as they pray in private, to their knees in their room or any other private place.
The man should be an example of self in the fear of God. It should show that it is strong - strong enough - to overcome his desires and control his inclinations. In defeating his habit of smoking, controlling his tendency to drink or other inclinations, controlling their emotions, leading his family in the right way, by monitoring and guiding its language according to the “law of kindness”, it can give an example that his children will never forget, as they grow. There is no doubt that this example requires the respect, admiration and love for every woman and supposed wise.
So, if you study the Bible to see what it says about marriage, and if you strive - with God’s help - to follow the teachings, principles and biblical examples in your marriage, you will be blessed. If the newlyweds begin to knees and sincerely ask God to lead and guide them in their marriage, if they study His inspired word and respect, then they will live in a kind of “earthly paradise”, at least as while they feel affected by their marriage!
Surprising as it may seem to those not familiar with the way God, this is a reality. I have seen these principles at work within my own marriage, and marriages of many people who believed in God. The results depend on the diligence of everyone to follow this teaching.
It is up to us to make God the center of our marriage! Seek His will in every aspect of our marriage with all our heart - and then respect it!
Commitment and trust
Often, during the traditional ceremony of marriage, the expression means: “Until death do us part. Although most people today hate the concept, it is essential that every marriage is built on this understanding. As we have seen, it is God who ordained marriage. And Jesus Christ said: “That man, therefore, does not separate what God has joined” (Matthew 19: 6). Although modern psychologists, counselors, and even many ministers, supposedly Christians seem willing to provide couples with all sorts of “exits” God acts differently! “The marital infidelity (porneia in Greek) is a reason given by God to pronounce a divorce. But marriage must be a commitment to life is the expressed will of God! Note this key passage in the divine revelation to humanity: “Here is what you do: you cover with tears the altar of the LORD, weeping and moaning, so he has no regard to offerings and can not accept anything from your hands. And you say: Why? [...] Because the LORD has been witness between thee and the wife of your youth, to which you are unfaithful, although she is your companion and the wife of thy covenant. No one has done this, with a remaining sense. One did it and why? Because he wanted posterity that God had promised. Take care on your mind, and that is unfaithful to the wife of his youth! Because I hate the repudiation, says the LORD, the God of Israel, and the violence that covers his garment, saith the LORD of hosts. Take care on your mind, and do not be unfaithful! “(Malachi 2 :13-16).
In these verses, God speaks of marriage as a relationship defined by a “covenant”. It shows that one of the objectives of marriage is to produce a “seed promised by God.” This requires of course a stable relationship based on love. Three times in this passage, God speaks of any “infidel” (or treason), which leads to marriage breakdown.
Among other things, marriage is a “test”. This is a test of your loyalty to divine instructions relating to marriage and to your spouse with whom you share this sanctified relationship. To what extent “you give yourself for your spouse? How far will your patience, your kindness and your humility to get there? Furthermore, God said that He “hates” divorce (verse 16). God does not hate divorced persons, but He despises selfishness, envy, vanity, egocentricity and “treachery” (or infidelity) are almost always present when a marriage is broken by divorce .
In each marriage, one must take account of this teaching of the apostle Paul, inspired by God: “Women, as each is subject to her husband as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the Church is his body, and he is the Savior. However, as the Church is subject to Christ, women should also be to their husbands in all things. Maris, everyone loves his wife as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for her “(Ephesians 5 :22-25). These verses clearly show that marriage is a type of relationship between God and the Church. This relationship is a total submission to one another, and a total submission to the divine will. It should be a lasting relationship - “until death do us part.” This shows the love, the total interest that follows, as the confidence and stability that result and which exist between Christ and His true Church.
The successful marriage requires effort
To experience this relationship with God in your marriage you must work in pairs! You need your thoughts and your energy in building your marriage, as a great scientist for a major new invention. Couples who succeed and who are truly happy never take marriage so lightly. True Christians pray regularly for their marriage. They study the Bible and other reliable sources to improve their marriage. And they pledge to each other that their marriage lasts - “until death separates them.
All this in their marriage develops a sense of trust and stability. Indeed, as it says in Proverbs: “Who can find a virtuous woman? It is much more valuable than pearls. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and the products it will not default. It feels good and not evil all the days of his life “(Proverbs 31 :10-12). What a wonderful image of commitment and service based on love from a woman! Such a woman should be deeply appreciated and estimated as a treasure.
The husband of a woman full of love really is ready to “devote his life to his - to love, honor, protect, provide for their needs and serve in every possible way. No honest person should never, never leave his mind or emotions to ignite another woman. Jesus Christ calls this sort of thing, adultery: “But I tell you that whoever looks at a woman to lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5: 28).
Not only does this destroy his wife’s betrayal and probably ruin their marriage, but also cause great sorrow and deep distress - even a big hit - with the husband of another woman.
He who created us male and female, said through Solomon: “But whoever commits adultery with a woman is devoid of meaning, one who wants to lose does so [one who does so destroys his soul] “(Proverbs 6: 32). The original Hebrew word translated here as “devoid of meaning” is sometimes translated as “no heart”. Because such conduct, corrupt and selfish, “hard” virtually “the heart” of a man who loves his wife, and discovers he was deceived and dishonored. The same is true for a woman who discovers she has been betrayed. Because the deep feelings of love and trust, the hearth and home, the deep commitment and security are suddenly broken! And the passage continues: “For jealousy is a man in a fury, and he is ruthless on the day of vengeance and has regard to any ransom, and he is adamant, even when you multiply the gifts” (verses 34 -35).
All those who are already married, or to be in the future, should commit themselves deeply to honor the vows of marriage at any point! We should study God’s word about this, pray every day for our marriage and our family, thank God regularly that we have a spouse who loves us and is faithful, and do everything in our power - with the help divine - to build a deep sense of love, trust and stability in our marriage. “Enjoy the life with the woman you love, all the days of thy life of vanity, that God has given under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is your part in life, in the middle of your work that you do under the sun “(Ecclesiastes 9: 9). In this physical life, there is no greater blessing that this kind of relationship sanctified!
Honest communication
As we said earlier in this booklet, many women have cried out their despair: “My husband talking to me! That is why we are not close - he did nothing with me. He sits wistfully at the table at mealtimes, or he reads the newspaper or watches television all evening! ”
The example above is a typical case of millions of marriages. Often, one partner at least think they communicate. But the other, usually the woman, realizes that this is not the case, and she feels alone and frustrated. She felt that she and her husband simply coexist in the same house. This does not necessarily mean that they are fighting or getting hurt physically or even verbally. But there is no opening, bringing the total share of two lives, the love that there should be.
In this respect, a woman said, after his ten years of marriage: “It’s heartbreaking. Before being married, I used to go to the restaurant, and just by looking in the room, I could tell who was married and who was not. Married couples or ate in a silence of death, the women chatted, while the husband ate and ignorance. I was swearing that this will never happen to me - but it happened! ”
Why are there such situations? Why do husbands and women of all nationalities, they do not interfere with each other?
Love means sharing. Each husband worthy of the name should develop the habit of talking about his plans and hopes with his wife to share it with most of his deepest thoughts and wishes - and not just the negatives! It should strengthen the feeling that it is really “part” of him. This attitude and approach have much more meaning for women than most men imagine! However, very few husbands share their lives in this way with their partner.
Why?
Often, newlyweds are working hard to learn to adapt to the attitudes and preferences. They enjoy sharing their opinions on almost everything.
Then, after a few months, all views were exchanged, attitudes appear to have been understood, the interest and enthusiasm “to get to know” have disappeared.
With time and children, interest and discussions of women are increasingly focusing on children and a host of domestic details, which generally have little or no interest to the husband. Often, the attitude of others is taken for granted on certain topics.
Most husbands do more than listen to the good news about their children, but they are annoyed when their wife gives them small problems related to family education. Women often feel neglected by their husbands when children are small. With no adult at home to talk to during the day, they feel a need to talk with their husbands in the evening. But many husbands withdrew behind their newspapers or turn on the television quietly, instead of supporting what they perceive as a “rehashed” boring domestic frustrations!
A man needs to treat his wife as “dear.” He must cultivate and build a loving atmosphere, intimate and sentimental in his home - kissing his wife when he returns from work, taking her hands when walking, and embracing the often during the day affection without reserve.
True love requires a deep respect and constant. A man should be grateful that that has become his wife chose to share her life with him until death. He should appreciate this fact - and the many qualities of support, patience and service that have almost all women. It should encourage and promote what is best in it - not complain and never forget about the past by critics who incite derogatory in most cases, to meet the same way.
Man must respect the fact that his wife is a human being, adult, created in the image of God. He must realize that one day - according to the Plan of our wonderful Supreme God - it is destined to become a spiritual, glorified, to reign with Christ on this earth, and even to lead the angels (1 Corinthians 6 : 3)!
With this kind of understanding and respect, a truly Christian husband should share his thoughts, his projects and his life with the charming man he chose as a partner for life. “My wife is my best friend”, should not be a mere cliché. This should be a reality. A spouse who is a true friend, his wife to help build self-confidence, encourages it in difficult times, and withdrew the application. Couples who can talk honestly about what is important to them - including their personal relationships - are happier and are more likely to have a lasting marriage. It is always better to speak openly about the problems of leaving a misunderstanding or an injury worse.
Communicate in a positive way
“Play” and concerns over the injury secret from your spouse does not mean that you automatically “try”, or give your opinion. Often it is better to be a good confidant. Then, over time, your spouse will seek your advice or your observations. But what happen on its own initiative, not yours. You need to show love and concern. You must be willing to take the time to “listen” carefully to your spouse - to show a sincere interest in what you said or what he feels. To do this, learn to ask good questions and guide to fully understand the situation: “Tell me more! “I see. Did I understand what you tell me? “” I did not realize that. Help me to understand so that I can share your worries, “and other phrases of similar interests based on love.
Do not take the advantage on the opening of mind or personality of your spouse! Because your spouse will eventually give up on himself or herself. Consider the verbal confidences you share in the marriage as a sacred confidence - keep it confidential between you two. Do not keep “in reserve”, to take advantage later in a dispute or in another situation.
